I feel like abortions should bother me more
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
