He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
