I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So I just went to clothing optional bar
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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