i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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