sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
