This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
