im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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