Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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