im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I lost the right to judge tonight
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
