We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize