i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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