If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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