i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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