please come you make the beer taste better
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize