whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
