yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
