Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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