I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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