Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
