hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
