Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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