Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
