Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
