A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
