I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
