Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
