I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
