Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
