I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
