How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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