Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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