So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
