I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
