So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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