maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
And then my night got REAL pukey
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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