So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
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