So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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