Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
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