y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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