Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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