he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
