i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize