There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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