I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
