I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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