you guys were way drunker than both of me
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
