I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
