if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
