WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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