hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
