It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
