the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
