The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
there is glitter all over my balls
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