are you still at the devil's house?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
