Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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