he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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