i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
