So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
