Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
