some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
