..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Sext me about skeletons
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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