i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
