All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
