does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
