party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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