I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
