found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm at about main and main street
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize