where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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