I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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