it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
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