Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
