I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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