and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
