Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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