I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
