I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
