So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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