GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
