I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
