My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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