pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
