dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
