That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
