The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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