dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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