we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize