Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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