Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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