I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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