she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize