Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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